Skunk Cannabis: should it be legalised in UK?

Jump for Equality: Sarah G Skydiving for Stonewall

Feel the Fear And Do It Anyway...

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Visa refused

Yes, most of you already know that my UK Visa was refused.  Well, we aren't giving up (even though at times we want to throw in the towel out of emotional exhaustion and disbelief).  Our immigrations solicitor has already sent in another round of evidence sharing with the Case Worker that he had made an error in his calculations regarding the finances section of our application.  Sarah is here in Los Angeles until August 6, and we are waiting a week or two before we go full boar into Plan C which is relocating to another EU territory that acknowledges same-sex unions.  From there we must remain for 3 months and re-submit another Visa application.  Looking as if it may be Ibiza or Ireland.  We are doing what we can for work while not having a strong home base (yes, we have each other which we are incredibly grateful for, and do miss having a consistent abode we can call home).  Sarah is Skyping with clients where possible and me doing the same.  We have been plotting on how to best spend our limited savings and have been blessed with friends who allow us to stay with them as well as a cost efficient rental car and insurance scenario.  We continue to appreciate people's financial generosity as well as your prayers and good will.  We'll be back with more of an update as we continue down this path.  Please feel free to contact us any time.  We send LOVE to all of you.   Ko and Sarah  xo

Sarah's Vows to Ko

I Sarah Louise Georgina Graham take you Ko Kawashima to be my wife and sweetheart for the rest of our lives together.

I fell in love with you the first night I met you at David and Irina's house in Ibiza. 

As you love telling people- for the first few minutes I thought you were part of the catering staff. This does NOT mean I'm a racist. It does mean that your humility and love of being in service to others shone through. 

I vow to honor and respect who you are and be of service to you. 

I was coming down with a virus that night in Ibiza and you got me Vitamin C and MSM; which you presented as I lay in a hammock looking up at you: a towering Goddess of healing standing over me. I was very taken with what I saw and then you started speaking about Western medicine versus Chinese and Ayurvedic medicine and I got a glimpse of just how enormous your intellect is.

I vow to look after you through sickness and to promote our long and healthy lives together- to this end I will be taking you to Optimum Health Institute for our Honeymoon tomorrow; and joining you in a juice, raw food , and colonics regime for 7 days (yes, I love you THAT much)

I vow to support us being a team in having a daily spiritual practice of regular prayer, meditation and yoga. To keep our nutrition as clean as possible and seek out a source of smart water in England that will quench your thirst! 

For me, intelligence is very attractive & sexy . I am absolutely entranced by your mind, spirit AND you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. 

I am a very lucky woman and I vow to count my blessings every day

When we met I played the 'guess how old Ko is game'?- and you are impossible to judge. As you told me 'Black Don't Crack". But it's more than that- you are both wise and yet incredibly free thinking, spontaneous and open- like a child. No wonder little people  love you!

I have always struggled with getting older- live fast die young used to be my mantra- now I want to enjoy the ride and the idea of us as two old ladies- sitting in rocking chairs on our porch watching the sunset go down over water makes me smile.

I vow to worship and adore you through all our life stages.

I have seen  you being a loving godmother and appreciate what a gift you have with children and  what a big heart you have. 

If God makes it possible I would love to raise a family with you- however children may show up in our lives together, we will love them as our own. They will know they are special, they will be nurtured and supported by us and that we will never leave them.

We have both experienced parental Abandonment and we know how painful that is.

I vow that- even though I sometimes threaten it- when I feel scared of you abandoning me- I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU. 

You have a special gift for loving people and you extend that love to everyone you meet. 

Our first night in Ibiza, when we sat at the table speaking the conversation was electrifying and everyone else at the party faded into the background. I told you all about my passion to open a teen rehab in the UK- because we don't have ONE- and you found this interesting!

Being in recovery from drug and alcohol addiction, as I am, and working with recovering addicts for a living isn't everyone's cup of tea. Some people would run a mile!! But you asked me lots of informed questions and  I was enormously flattered when  you said that if I lived in LA you would ask me out on a date!

I vow to keep working on healing the trauma and emotional scars that create my anxiety and pain and which can cause us to argue so fiercely. I will take responsibility for my part- work hard to not fall into familiar roles- such as victim- and to stay in true intimate, connected partnership with you.

I will continue to work on loving myself- so that I am not so easily triggered into the lie that- I'm not good enough. 

I vow to continue to listen to your feedback and appreciate your sometimes  tough loving and commit to becoming the best person I can be.

At the end of that Ibiza evening I really didn't want to say goodbye to you. And took a big emotional risk by asking you to drive me to the airport.

I vow to stay open and honest about my feelings, to keep challenging myself and you and to take risks- to keep growing and being an interesting person for you to share your life with.

Thanks to the wonder of Skype we grew our relationship whilst we were apart.

I vow to stay connected with you in partnership- even if there is physical distance between us.

No matter how far apart we are physically or  emotionally- as we journey together- I PROMISE to honour our commitment to each other and to be faithful to you. I never want to break your trust or have you worry about my loyalty to you.

I vow to be your wife and my love and affection belongs to you...Only You.

When you came to visit me after Ibiza- for our first night together- you stayed a second night, then flew home to LA and flew back to be with me (in coach) just a few days later- the MOST romantic gesture I have ever been shown.

I vow to be grateful for you and to notice your thoughtful kindnesses and thank you for the the blessings you bring to us.

In our 11 months together we have been through so much.

I love and appreciate every minute I have spent with you- even the ones we have behaved like toddlers and acted out appallingly. 

I have felt safe enough in our love to go to some very dark places- you know all about me and as we both know some of that ain't pretty.

As we were told by The Modern Day Wizard- we have a Soul Contract that we agreed before this life began and I truly believe you are God Given- that together we can really bring love, light and healing into even the darkest corners of our souls.

I am sorry for every mean word and action I have committed as we have been on this fast track to intimacy and commitment. The visa process has been very challenging and I thank you for all that you have done so that we can be together. 

I vow to really work on letting go of my anger and staying in partnership- and to pull my weight; so that you have energy to be yourself and live your life as you need to for you.

Although this visa process isn't quite complete, I know that we are being looked after and that all will be well. If we have to go through an appeals process I will do whatever it takes to be with you- in move to whatever country will give us both shelter.

And I am very grateful to all who have read our blog and contributed so generously to our being able to  Live Together fund. 

I can't wait to start our new company- Human Being Inc.- and I'm really excited about being in partnership with you and whoever else wants to join the party- to bring health, well being and raise consciousness,  with as many people as possible.

I am so grateful to you for giving up your home and moving away from friends to live with me in our hovel in Surrey. I know our house is two small for such big personalities and two dogs- so I vow to work hard to contribute  money towards us getting a house in an area that you feel more comfortable in.

When President Obama comes good on Equality I am open to moving to the USA, if that's what you need to be happy. 

I love your smile and I want to see it as often as possible. 

Because of shyness and anxiety I can be a bit anti-social at times. You need to be around people and have creative  stimulation and I want to be by your side. 

So I vow to push out of my comfort zone and say yes to invites and put energy into old and new friendships and connecting with loved ones. 

I am so grateful to everyone who has helped our love get this far and be standing here in Los Angeles with such special people. It really is a City of Angels!! Ko you really are blessed with an amazing group of friends.

I am sad that your parents can't be with us and really hope they approve of me taking the hand of their very special daughter? 

I vow to them to look after you Ko. To be family and create family with you.

Im also sad my living family members couldn't be here because times are tough right now. But know that they love you and you will be welcomed into the family fold; God Help You.

I feel that my dad is looking down on us today and that he really loves you! He loves your sense of humor and he  is grateful that you really look after me.  

Finally, after some false starts, I met The One. My True Love. My Mrs.

Whether that's Mrs Graham-Kawashima or Mrs Kawashima-Graham is still a moot point. But I'm sure we'll figure it out. It all sounds good to me.

We are not Spring Chickens- so I vow to get the most out of every day I am blessed to be your wife; and to cherish every night in your arms.

I'm nearly done...I  hope that I haven't missed anything out? 

If i have? I vow to keep making new vows and commit to evolving constantly with you.

Ko, I really love you. 

And these are my solemn promises to you.

All you need is love AND your help...from Sarah

Talking about money is embarrassing & asking for help is difficult (I don't think that's just a reticent British thing?) The stark reality is that Ko put love above career by moving to England to be with me. She hasn't been able to legally work and I've spent my limited savings supporting us. Although I've sold the car to raise more cash and  we are keeping the wedding VERY low-fi, we have mounting legal costs and are facing a very rocky few months- as we play the waiting game in the USA (where I can't work!!) hoping the authorities will grant Ko a settlement visa for the UK.

If this visa doesn't get granted (and the UK is tightening up on immigration every month) we will have to move to a different European country- just so we can still be together; and then work out how to earn a living there! And find the money for a whole new round of legal expenses.

So the bottom-line is this: right now we don't need silverware or pretty ornaments for a new home. We need cold hard cash- to give you an idea of the costs we are facing: to just apply online for the settlement visa in New York costs $1404.

Friends, we really need your help to form a little nest-egg (a fighting fund, if you prefer?) to get us through the next few months and ensure that we can stay together.

Please help us if you can. Even just a few dollars or pounds will be very gratefully received. 

Love Sarahxxx   

p.s. Please go to Support Our Cause, and you will find the donate button there.  Thank you!

Really....we want to get married, and live happily ever after!

Who knew being in a relationship could be so hard?  Well, ha ha.  All of us know how tough relationships are under “normal” circumstances (and, yes I know none of you are NoRMaL)...but this extra-added, extraneous nonsensical excrement of the IMMIGRATION/UNITED KINGDOM Border Agency’s policy or better yet, my fair country’s immigration policy for not recognizing same-sex couples is just – well, really - heinous.

Let me reverse the story for a moment...

I got my precious hand slapped while coming back from France into the UK.  Held for over 90-minutes in a white room, pages of notes taken about my relationship with Sarah, questioned about why the ins and outs of the UK over the past 8 months or so...blah, blah, blah.  I have never traveled with my return ticket to Los Angeles, but after a few various conversations I printed this out before departing to Paris.  Thank the Heavens Above I had this with me as it gave the Border Agent more confidence in my TRUE story of love.  Based on the amount of time I have been in the UK, I was not aware that I can only be in the UK for a total of 6 months within 12 months of when I began my travel.  I am at that 6 months as of May and MUST leave the country.  I also CAN NOT come back to England unless I have a valid VISA.  After this incident, Sarah and I were awakened to the seriousness of Border Control, and how my ass needs to be legal.  Clearly, these ain’t the days in the 90’s where my “alterna-rock-dance, music biz, easy come and go out of the UK” attitude is the norm.

So, here we are.

Sarah Graham (my partner in crime, love of my life, apple of my eye, the one who absolutely makes me coo-coo on every level, and who has captured my heart) and I want to be with each other with no bars held so, what next?  We are going to get married, and based on what we were told by our Immigration Solicitor we could hunker down and have our “live happily ever after” relationship in the United Kingdom.  “Great, wow, fantastic,” the United Kingdom is more provocative than the U.S. as they acknowledge same-sex civil partnerships (still no “traditional” marriage like good ol’ gay Paris – how could Great Britain let those Parisians beat them to the punch?). We continue to KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON with our plan however, those clever Brits want to keep immigrants out and continue to change their maintenance and immigration policies/requirements.  As of April 9, a new policy came out where we were alerted about from our Immigration Solicitor that threw another wrench into our plan of attempting to be together.  Back to the drawing board Sarah and I go to strategize on “how to be in our relationship”, on how to feel safe, build roots, create a family, get old with one another, and chase each other around the house with our canes...yup, just like the movies sans the white picket fence.

We are praying that PLAN A gets green lit though we are unsure this will get approved so, we move into PLAN B, PLAN C, PLAN D which looks like living in another EU country for a period of time before we can resubmit another Visa application as we can NOT be in my country without a VERY costly work Visa for Sarah.  Needless to say this entire process is not only physically, spiritually, emotionally exhausting it is also diminishing our financial resources.

As I MUST return to the U.S., we want to get married in a State where same-sex unions are considered marriages NOT a Domestic or Civil Partnership...New York City here we come – City Hall, June 1, 2013, Saturday.

Sarah and I have been unsettled in monumental ways during this process.  We look forward to getting all of this paperwork sorted so we can anchor down with one another, create consistency with our creative, philanthropic, and business endeavors, and just BE.

We will continue to post bits and pieces as we move along.  We really appreciate all of you, your friendship, your love, your prayers, your support.

If you are wanting to contribute to our wedding, our limbo time of re-location, our being together, we appreciate any thing you feel comfortable in giving.  If your giving is a smile, a hug, a letter to your government, a prayer we love you not matter what your action.  If you’d like to gift us with Wedding Gifts, we have not registered anywhere.  What we ask of you is to donate what you feel you’d like to to aid us in supporting this legal/life/transitional process.

NO PRESSURE EVER, ONLY LOVE.

We’ll be back soon with updates....

From every part of heart, we thank and love you dearly, and well, yeah, and kind of queerly ;).